Five Reasons Watchmen Will Rock/Suck, Part II
Yesterday I gave you five reasons why Watchmen is going to rock. Today, I offer five reasons why I was full of crap.
5. Slow It Down
If there’s one thing that 300 showed us, it’s that director Zack Snyder loves him some slo-mo. Whether things were moving in slow-motion, extreme slow-motion, regular speed then slow-motion, or reallyreallyfastforafewseconds then slow-motion, he clearly enjoyed jacking with the frame rate on the camera. And it was pretty cool… the first forty times. After that, it got a little gimmicky and a lot annoying. And I’ve been seeing a ton of slo-mo in these early trailers. I’m starting to wonder how much of the film’s reported two-plus hours is because of scenes running way longer than necessary due to overuse of slo-mo.
4. The End
[SPOILER WARNING] If you haven’t heard by now, there’s apparently been some change to the end of the film. While the concept is supposedly still the same, there’s apparently no more giant squid. Personally, I’m okay with that, because, while I liked the “enemy great enough for us to put aside our hostilities” idea, I never much cared for the “mental flash from the cloned brain of the dead psychic killing a bunch of people” idea. It just seemed too far-fetched for the Watchmen world (yes, even with the naked blue guy walking around). But regardless of my feelings, it’s a major part of the story and not something to be removed lightly. If they’re willing to pull that out, what else did they chop?[END WARNING]
3. The Ticking Clock
There’s a reason Watchmen hasn’t been made into a movie for over twenty years. It’s long been considered to be unfilmable, impossible to capture on the big screen. Sure, the technology wasn’t available before to create the effects in a convincing enough way, but even with that hurdle (mostly) cleared, there’s another major reason: length. Watchmen is twelve issues long and, even if you take out the Black Freighter stuff (which they have for the theatrical cut) and the supplementary materials at the end of each issue, it’s still a long-ass book. And you can’t get all that on screen in two or even three hours. Stuff’s going to be cut, stuff’s going to be dropped, the structure’s going to be changed, and I’m afraid a lot of what made the book great is going to be lost.
2. Lowest Common Denominator
One great thing about the book is the subtlety, the nuances. Dialogue often has a deeper meaning when combined with the images. There are callbacks to previous lines and panels. Small details abound in the backgrounds. Clues are strewn about to keep you grounded on where and when you are in relation to other events. Just look at Chapter 11 for a great example of multiple events happening at the same time. However, to make the most money, a movie has to be made palatable to the douchebag masses (who, as a side note, always seem to wind up sitting next to me), and that means a lot of that subtlety is likely either going to be removed or blatantly shown to make sure the backwards-ballcap-wearing asshats get it. The book rewards you for paying attention; the movie will make it unnecessary.
1. It’s Just Your Imagination
Quick: What does Rorschach look like without his mask? What does he sound like? How about Dr. Manhattan? The Comedian, is he a bass or baritone? What noise does the Owl Ship make? Does Ozymandias have a trace of accent from his worldly travels? If you’re like me, you have a pretty solid opinion of how these characters look, sound, act, and move after reading and re-reading this book over the last twenty years. Sure, the look is pretty locked in by the art, but you add your own details, your own perspective, your own personal interpretation.
The movie will destroy all that.
Granted, this isn’t specific to Watchmen. Any time you see a movie based on a book, you’re essentially trading your vision for someone else’s. Can you read a Harry Potter book now and not picture Daniel Radcliffe or Alan “Hans Gruber Forever” Rickman? Can you read The Shining and not hear at least an echo of Jack Nicholson? Well, pretty soon, you’ll never be able to read Watchmen without hearing Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the Comedian’s speech bubbles or imagining Jackie Earle Haley under Rorschach’s mask. At best, the two visions will conflict, bump up against one another, and leave you sitting there feeling like something is slightly off. At worst, the film version will completely replace the soundtrack in your head and your personal view of the Watchmen universe will be gone forever. And if that doesn’t suck, I don’t know what does.
So, which way do I think the movie will actually fall? Is it going to rock or suck? I’ll have my final prediction later this week.
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One Response to “Five Reasons Watchmen Will Rock/Suck, Part II”
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February 23rd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Well put into words the feelings of anyone skeptical about this. Though I’m hearing conflicting stories about the changes to the end…I guess in or out that ending is no-win scenario for the big screen. I did hear one interview with Kevin Smith (WHO LOVED REVENGE OF THE SITH–RED FLAG) where he described the cut of Watchmen he saw as the “Pulp Fiction” of superhero films which perhaps bodes well for your concerns about the story structure. Ultimately, X-Men was considered unfilmable as well, and what came out turned out to be acceptable. Though look at how “toned down” the entire X-Men universe was to make it work. One thing the previews for Watchmen doesn’t say is “toned down.” All I can say is we get one Blue Cock shot the film automatically gets 4 stars from me.